Scheming always backfires or does it?
by ellieundmica
Summary: A short story involving dumbledore,hermione-snape,ron-malfoy and harry. Rated the way it is for language and innuendos. AU after the war,dumbledore cooks up a plan that doesnt work in his favor,but works in someone elses favor,oh and harry is confused


_this little story if something that me and my friend made one night when we got a bit bored, warning the characters are very different to what you would expect them to be, but hope you enjoy! (and i dont own any of the characters only the plot)_

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Scheming always backfires or does it?

This story starts off with Dumbledore finding out some interesting news, that he wants to make good use of, but will it all backfire on him? Severus makes plans for himself but will he succeed in any of them? Harry gets confused as he is pulled into all the tangles of the plans can he escape them? A number of secrets get revealed can the world cope with them? All will be revealed if you just read on…

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Dumbledore was stroking his long gray beard that just so happened to be growing out of his pointy chin, while shuffling quickly around his circler shaped office repeating to himself (and to all the portraits, that were trying to sleep at the late hour) 'interesting, how interesting'. He however failed to see that spoilt brat harry standing in his door way, when was he ever going to learn he just didn't be long here anymore, he had done his bit now why couldn't he just disappear. So what if he defeated the most dreaded and evil man on the planet, no in the universe, well Dumbledore had admired him in some ways, he was able to do all things that he himself was to scared to do and now all those fantasy's he once had were now all forgotten.

Harry was trying to work out why his elder was acting this way but he soon forgot about his troubles as an owl came swooping into Dumbledore's office through the new owl shoot that had been installed into every room after one to many birds flew into closed windows. The cleaning bill was getting too large for the school to manage; the owls would leave a nasty streak down the window, how selfish of them. Harry quickly intercepted the owl as he mistakenly thought it was for him self, he was a little big headed like that, fame had brought out the worst in him. After winding up his brain with his special key that her wore around his neck, it had been Hermione's idea after he had misplaced it on a number of occasions; Harry managed to work out two words of the five page note 'its ready'. Harry wondered what that could mean, but he was distracted again by the letter being taken out of his hands and into a locked draw on the other side of the desk that Dumbledore now lay across.

Around a week later Harry recalled this strange occurrence and mentioned it to his two biggest fans, but they could be classed as stalkers. Ron as per usual didn't think anything of it and said that Harry should forget about it. But of course Hermione got suspicious so they hatched a plan, just like when they were eleven, but after ten years the novelty of it had worn off a bit. By then Ron had started to panic, what if Harry and Hermione found out his secret? His reputation amongst the ladies would vanish in a second and he relied on that to get a quick fix when he and Malfoy (his secret lover) couldn't meet up.

As Ron was a loyal stalker, a bit like a dog, he therefore went along with Harry and Hermione's plan, his input was to spy on Malfoy, well that wouldn't be too hard they were already meeting up tonight as it was a Tuesday. That evening Ron left the room that Harry now owned; Dumbledore had wanted to remove Harry long ago but the young boy had bought part of the castle because he had liked it so much, and left the castle to go to Draco's new pad in the middle of Cardiff.

When Ron and Malfoy had finished later that evening, Ron decided to mention Harry's plan, and asked what Malfoy did actually know about it. Once Draco had stopped laughing at the boys worry, he explained that he had told Dumbledore about their relationship, but he did have his reasons. Ron was not happy with Malfoy what reason could their be for telling Dumbledore about the relationship every one knew that he was the biggest gossiper in the school, after all he did sell any bit of information he gathered, to the newspapers, whether or not it was a lie.

Dumbledore decided that this story wouldn't be worth the millions he would earn by selling it, and thought it would be a better use as blackmail against Severus. Dumbledore and Severus had, had a on off relationship ever since Lilly had gotten herself killed. Dumbledore thanked for it though because in his opinion Severus was very well endowed in that department and that was all he could ask for in a guy. Since Severus hadn't been in his company for a good three months now, Dumbledore needed to get him back, he needed his recommended amount of exercise and he just wasn't getting it at the moment.

The next morning Severus was woken up to a large owl stuck inside the shot, "why did Albus have to get these installed they are more hassle than they are worth", Severus went about removing the large owl, who by now had caused a back log of other owls just wanting to deliver the messages they carried. After a couple of unsuccessful attempts the owl finally became free, but it was angry and bit Severus on his long and pointy nose before taking off. Snape just had enough time to grab the note hanging from the owls wing before opening the window for is escape, he didn't want any mess as it always left a smell.

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After reading the note that the owl had so "kindly" left him, the elderly potions master stormed, what that really meant is he walked up the stairs at the average speed of a snail, up to the heads office. It was an outrage his adopted son Draco was doing things that he didn't want to even think about with non other than Ronald Weasley, the lost boy who got his kicks by following that arrogant ruler (Harry) of this castle after he had so nicely decided to buy it just after the defeat of the last sponsor. Harry somehow thought that every one who came to the castle who wasn't a teacher or student must be someone to defeat (including the six different sponsors and around forty-two builders); so the only way to keep the ruined school open was by selling it and the boy just had to buy it. Harry now of course got a say in what went on around the building but he never accepted any of the proposal's to actually improve the school; he insisted they were unnecessary. Harry would just have to go, but first Albus needs sorting out.

Albus had hoped that the heated argument that followed his note would turn into desire and passion but it didn't work out like that; firstly Severus had been disgusted by his son's (adopted) behaviour that he forgot all about his own relationship with Dumbledore. Secondly, Snape saw straight through Albus's plans that he wanted to get a reaction out of him so they could go back to the way they had been but Severus no longer wanted that and had hoped that Albus understood. Finally Dumbledore's plans didn't work out because Snape had stormed out of the office soon after shouting "Albus I just don't love you, it was enjoyable while it lasted but I have moved on why don't you… I heard Filch has some experience and was after you for a while."

So Dumbledore was left in a difficult situation he wanted what he could no longer get, should he just move on and forget like Severus had clearly done; but in that moment a light bulb went on above his head, and a new plan developed in place of the last one. This new plan came about quite easily he knew that Draco didn't know about his adopted fathers tendencies towards men. He knew that tape would come in handy on day, "time to blackmail, Mr I'm a wiz at potions," Dumbledore told his fellow portraits, who all nodded in agreement as they didn't want any more scorch marks on their lovely faces.

Snape was not fazed by the blackmail; he knew it would come as it had to all of Albus's previous lovers; so he ignored it when the time came just before Albus actually told Draco he planned to tell the boy himself. They shared everything eventually, but his little get togethers with Ron had been a surprise. He would of thought that Draco avoided any followers of Harry after the mad boy had killed both of Malfoy's parents, during a visit to the school; Lucius had been he first sponsor in a long line to go, along with his wife. He would need to have that chat with his son sooner than anticipated, but what about Harry how can he be removed?

So Severus Snape went back to his drawing board which was surprisingly red, and starts to come up with plans for the removal of Harry. Severus soon realises that there is no way of getting to harry as he is always surrounded by his stalkers; but he knows Hermione will be easy to break. The young women is known for her big brains (and multiple heads to store them in(a bit like medusa in a way)) and her amazing wit, so he could ... "Aha I have got it". He knew that Harry really had no brain of his own and the only way he was still around was because he had taken one of the brains from Hermione and now he was one of her multiple heads. So if he put some information into Hermione's main head (like her HQ) then harry would take it as truth, he would become one homophobic guy, hopefully that will turn every one against him. Harry would then suspect Ron as being gay because he was ginger but he denied it, he insisted it was a strawberry blonde type colour; but the only problem was getting close enough to the smelly (imagine rotten roses) witch to plant his seed. The other problem would be that Harry may still be around and only Ron would move away; oh well one out of three would be a start.

Severus was proud of him self, he had come up with a way to get at Harry through his stalkers, well fingers crossed. The first stage in his plan was to befriend the girl Hermione, but that was where he was faced with a problem he had never had a friend let alone one who was a girl. Also he hadn't had much experience with the opposite sex in that way, except maybe that drag queen for Dumbledore's retirement party four years ago, but he had decided to stay on a little longer. How that night was remembered he could not work out and how all the teachers knew about him and that drag queen he was still figuring out ("if I found out I will kill them" he cursed) but he regretted that moment deeply, as did the drag most likely. Talking of staff Severus recalled some action under the skirt with Minerva, but did she count as a woman she spent most of her time nowadays as a cat, that seemed to happen in old age.

On the other side of the castle Harry had started to take action, he had hired an army of breadsticks because every one knew that they could get deep into any crumby business without being spotted. With his new found followers he called a group meeting, this consisted of himself, Hermione, Ron, his breadstick army and a few scrounging pigeons (no one seemed to feed them anymore). The meeting was short, as Harry forgot why he called the meeting in the first place, but Ron mentioned something about meeting up with Malfoy and all he was able to learn was that the note was about a family crisis (which of course Ron had just made up). Harry was a bit disappointed that there wasn't anything more to it, and told the others to forget about Malfoy and to concentrate on Dumbledore, but he was a little unsure why.

It was common knowledge amongst the staff and some of the elder students that the head master had a thing going on with the grumpy potions master. Hermione had mastered up a plan where she would get to Dumbledore through Snape, it wouldn't be so bad Hermione thought if he at least washed his hair with something other than cooking oil. Well she could get over that if she actually found out anything about Dumbledore for her beloved Harry. She would have to start her plan tomorrow, as she would be making a surprise routine check on the cleanliness of the lab, as she didn't want another student dying for some hygiene reason. She then went off to start on her beauty routine; she was going to pull out all the stops to seduce the man tomorrow.

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Hermione had checked the teacher's schedule and arranged her visit around it, ensuring that she had at least forty minutes alone with Snape. She thought that would be enough as no other guy had ever resisted her charm after thirty minutes even if they did swing the other way. Her beauty routine had been long after checking herself in the mirror she knew it had been worth it never had she looked better, well maybe that one time six months ago but that didn't matter, she just knew that Snape would be drooling all other her by the time she was finished.

Severus was just packing up his notes ready so that he could relax during his break ready for the next batch of under educated baboons, but this was very short lived as there was a knock at the door. Severus sighed to himself, but was relieved when he found it was only Hermione at the door, if it had been Albus again he wouldn't know if the old man would be able to walk away again. He ushered he in and asked if she required anything and he was shocked to find that she would be checking all the equipment for any of those microby things, that she had told him could be lethal and possible kill. Severus was glad when she had finished because he had found it a little awkard to speak to her, while she was going through all his belongings with no care what so ever, and he didn't like it when people mis-handled his delicate and precious parts of his collection.

Long after Hermione had left Severus found him self still thinking about Hermione, but now that anger he had felt earlier had turned in to desire. She had seemed to have matured over night, either that or he had been too caught up with Albus he had failed to notice a beautiful women within the same building he slept in every night. He kept on thinking about her curves and the way her hair just fell down her back in waves, no longer that wild mane that she once wore; oh and that leg, that was just unbelievable, shame about the other one though, if only it was a little longer to match the other one. Though to Severus that didn't matter as in his eyes she was perfect, then suddenly Severus thought "I cant be crushing on an ex-student, that is just wrong and unforgivable" but he could not deny what he saw when he looked down at his trousers and to no one he said "well apparently I am". The teacher then looked at the clock, realising he only had a few minutes until the next class he had no choice but to think of something other than Hermione, if he was going to last at all.

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Severus had only pleasured him self over a handful of people in the past and none of them times had been over a student or ex student. But that visit from Hermione had set something off inside of him, and he needed to quench that quickly, but it didn't end up like that, after a longer than anticipated period of time he was finally able to get the release he needed. What surprised him afterwards was how pleasurable it had actually been, better than anything he had experienced with Albus or even any of his other lovers.

Severus was just cleaning up the mess he had made, when there was a knock at the door, he got up the answer it wishing that it wasn't Dumbledore, it had been a couple of days now. Severus's luck had however run out because guess who was at the door the one and only Albus Dumbledore. Albus walked in and spotted the bottle of lube and said "have we been enjoying ourselves a bit to much Severus, dear me look at the mess could you please learn to use that Muggle invention, what do they like to call it, ah yes the condom I think I use it sometimes, it is very good… well anyway I have come to apologise for our misunderstanding. I shouldn't have told you about the boys' relationship that should have been your adopted son who told you, it was not my place to say and I hope you will forgive me?" Severus was a bit shocked with that, what was it with him today it was like he was wet with his fingers in one of those sockets that muggle's use and he did not know what to do. He looked down at the floor, which he seemed to do a lot when he was uncomfortable, and noticed the mess, it would stain if it wasn't cleaned up soon so he better get to it. So he mumbled something about cleaning to Dumbledore and Severus watched his former lover leave the room, without as much as a good bye

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If you want more we can easily post more soon, but please tell us if not we wont know if you want more


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